Though I’ve written and spoken about mentorship many times and places, I refer you to this one article I wrote about my beloved mentor Harold Ramis when he passed. It contains much of what I know to be true and good about mentorship.
THE TEN BEST PRACTICES OF MENTORSHIP
- Observe the 80/20 rule: Mentees speak 80% of the time, mentors 20%.
- Don’t give advice! (Unless specifically and directly asked.)
- Be empathetic, not sympathetic. Listen compassionately. Pity is completely counter-productive. Mentors must only share what similar problems they’ve faced, and how they dealt with them. But the mentee must always make key decisions for her/himself.
- Mentees must choose their own mentors. Mentors can not be forced on mentees. Mentees must feel a pull or draw toward the mentor.
- In order for the relationship to succeed and become sustainable mentors must learn, grow, or gain something too. If mentors are getting nothing from the relationship something is wrong. (Usually, the problem is with them, often due to their arrogance. Mentors may not be sensitive and open to what the relationship is offering them. Often that offering can appear in the form of challenges from mentees.)
- Mentors must acknowledge and bless. They must call out and name, in detailed and specific ways, what they see happening with mentees. If mentees are lost and confused acknowledge and honor them even for that, for staying in the fire, for not forcing a premature decision. Every moment presents a new opportunity to see a mentee wherever they’re at in their journey, to call it out and speak it honestly.
- Model accountability. Show up. Mentors signal their respect for mentees by treating them no differently than they would anyone of great eminence.
- Mentors should honor mentees by asking them for input on their own challenges. Nothing better signals to them they have arrived and are worthy of providing counsel, that they’re peers.
- When the time is right, the greatest blessing a mentor can give a mentee is severing the mentorship bond, ie., “You have learned what I can offer. Now it’s time for you to move on. First, to become a mentor yourself (if you’re not already) and to seek others out for new learning.”
- Mentees need to learn how and when to acknowledge and appreciate mentors. They must understand and be able to name their “lineage,” who their teachers and best role models were.
DESIRED QUALITIES OF A MENTOR
- Have a strong desire to support young leaders.
- It helps to have some Process/Emotional work experience along with your business/professional experience.
- Be able to hold the space for others to make mistakes and shine without needing to be noticed yourself. If you want recognition go elsewhere and get it. Don’t bring your own needs and wounds to the relationship, however unconsciously, hoping for a fix.
- Understand the act of ‘blessing’ through actions, words or energy.
- Understand how to extend your energy and intent without speaking.
- Show up in Service to the Process.
- Risk reaching out to the mentee rather than she/he always reaching out to you.
- Respond to Intuition.
- Be in the moment. A wandering mind only creates lost opportunities.
- Be unconcerned if it seems like you aren’t doing much… Presence is strong! Being witnessed is sometimes the greatest gift we give!
- Do not be in “rescue” mode unless there is truly some danger.
- Be humble enough to recognize and admit you aren’t a Saint. Teach through awareness and admission of your flaws.
- Understand that mentorship creates generativity. It restores links in the chain of time, guaranteeing that cultural wisdom is passed through you to future generations.
- Be willing to add your personal experience and reflections to these Guidelines!
XXX