After your spouse dies, how do you go forward? 

This beautifully-written memoir faces the realities of a loved one dying.
Following a long fight with breast cancer, Tracy’s death ended their 13-year marriage. In the months after his loss, Frederick Marx wrote about their time together (falling in love, their shortcomings, her illness, and how they made each other better). Marx recounts his relationship with his partner–not as a saint, but as a person. Then he describes his struggle to go on without her.
Marx shares an intimate, soul-searching look at love and loss. With exquisite honesty, his story is inevitably full of pain, but also has great warmth and beauty.
Ram Dass, author of Be Here Now, said: “This book shivers with the frailties of what it means to be human, enfolding loss in all its forms, finding a way through acceptance back to love.”

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Editorial Reviews

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“Most people know Frederick Marx from Hoop Dreams, Journey From Zanskar, and other fine films. They probably don’t know that he is a longtime student of dharma, an ordained Zen priest, and a gifted writer exploring the terrain of the human heart. This book shivers with the frailties of what it means to be human, enfolding loss in all its forms, finding a way through acceptance and the pure ground of being back to love.”
―Ram Dass, author of Be Here Now

“Marx’s eventful story seems tailor-made for a philosophically captivating memoir; his struggle with his inner demons supplies plenty of fodder for introspection, which he tackles with subtlety and candor…. It is admirably forthcoming.”
―Kirkus Reviews

“This book is one’s man’s story of love, loss, and realization; actually it is a story that many of us know or will know. Heartbreaking, beautiful, intimate, challenging… This is a book we should all read.”
―Roshi Joan Halifax, author of Being with Dying: Cultivating Compassion and Fearlessness in the Presence of Death

“Frederick Marx has written a touchingly intimate account of love, loss and healing. Losing a loved one is something most everyone faces at some point in life. At Death Do Us Part shows the possibility of navigating through this journey with consciousness, understanding and an open-heart.”
―James Baraz, co-author of Awakening Joy: 10 Steps to Happiness; co-founding teacher Spirit Rock Meditation Center

“Raw and beautiful, this tender, joyous look into the shared intimacy of a mature couple, seems almost too secret to put into words. I felt touched so many times in so many ways by this unique wisdom-teaching. As I slowly read the book, I kept falling in love with Frederick. His utterly fearless transparency constantly endeared him to me.”
―Bill Kauth, co-founder of The ManKind Project; co-author of A Circle of Men and We Need Each Other

“Just like Frederick I’ve been lost. Like him, Buddhist meditation changed my fundamental perspective on how to approach life, how to deal with failure. There’s a level beyond understanding on offer here… Frederick knows that there’s a time when being out of integrity, out of wholeness, our internal sense of good, becomes too great a pain for a man to carry. Like other good men, he has that strong internal compass to guide that pull back to being the man he knows he can be.”
―Rich Tosi, co-founder of The ManKind Project; co-founder of A Couples Weekend

“At Death Do Us Part is a book about life, of change, of opening your heart. Reading Frederick’s words and mulling over his stories, I feel that my world is now filled with more depth and more flavors, as well as some new questions and insights about this thing we call being alive. A beautiful, moving book.”
―Marc Lesser, author of Less: Accomplishing More By Doing Less

“I was deeply moved by Frederick’s story beginning with the words from his introduction. ‘How do you get over losing your life partner?’ This is an experience none of us want to go through, yet it is one that is part of the inevitable human journey. Frederick offers us a glimpse into our present and future losses, but does it in such a beautiful and caring way, we feel like we’re with a true guide and loving friend who is holding us in his kind embrace.”
―Jed Diamond, author of My Distant Dad: Healing the Family Father Wound

“How to express how deeply I am touched by this remarkable tale of the truth of living and dying? This is not just an autobiography and history of [their] time together and its cancerous ending, but also a Buddhist dharma teaching. Life and death lived within the Buddhist perspective. It is gift from them to and for all of us. We all need to come to compassionate understanding and radical acceptance of the truth of dying. This book is a great sharing teaching of this understanding.”
―Jun Po Denis Kelly, Abbot of the Hollow Bones Order of Rinzai Zen

“At Death Do Us Part is a beautiful testament and memorial to an extraordinary woman through deep realizations of love and relationship. The experience of reading At Death Do Us Part reminds me of a Buddhist, “bare bones,” practice of just showing up for what is, with no place to hide. This is not an easy read; yet, it is an important undertaking that evokes within the reader the courage that was necessary to share this narrative.”
―Dr. Timothy P Dukes, author, The Present Parent Handbook

“I have always been aware of Frederick’s brilliance, so easy to see in his important documentaries. Now he takes that brilliance once again through the portals of his heart, to share a very intimate, soul-searching book of loss and grief… and beauty and love. All of which can be found in his cracked open heart upon the death of his wife.”
―Meredith Little, author & founder of School of Lost Borders

“Open if you dare, dear reader, to the raw ecstasy of a soul laid bare, transmuted to gold by the crucible of life. Perhaps in the fullness of time, not too soon mind you, Frederick’s epitaph might read ‘Herein lies a bold and courageous warrior who made a difference.'”
―Rhonda Schiffler, Current Public Officer at The Australian Contemplative Observatory

“It’s surprisingly enjoyable, moving, captivating, engrossing. Marx revives-reanimates-re-loves–his partner–not as saint, but as person–with textured, reverent, and humorous delight, showing that grief is not a one way trip to a lugubrious terminus but a single stop on a vast, circuitous journey, a dizzying, dazzling topography filled with aliveness, presence, love.”
―Jiwon Chung, Artistic Director of Kairos Theater Ensemble

“A major talent in American filmmaking. All his work is imbued with power, intelligence, social concern, and utter dedication.”
―Gerry Richman, PBS

“[Marx] deliberately eschews any unnecessary rhetoric in favor of a rough-hewn, nose-to-the-ground documentation.”
―The Village Voice

“Mr. Marx shines a light on a place and a way of life that are rapidly changing.”
―New York Times

“Frederick is a man of integrity; his word is his bond. He is a man who cares about lives; his stories go beyond entertainment to impact. He is a man of significant creativity; he uses his talent to make a genuine difference in the world.”
―Craig Glass, Founder/President, Peregrine Ministries International

“AT DEATH DO US PART is a true love story, on the plane with Joan Didion’s YEAR OF MAGICAL THINKING and Joyce Carol Oates’ A WIDOW’S STORY. Heart-breaking. Heart-healing.”
Maxine Hong Kingston, Author of The Woman Warrior