Rites to a Good Life: Everyday Rituals Of Healing And Transformation
Chapter 10: Contemporary Challenges and Future Speculations
Rites Of Passage has mostly disappeared around the world, which is interesting for
something that is archetypal and that everybody has some understanding
of and inkling towards. It has almost completely disappeared from
tribal groups as well. I work with some tribal groups that are trying to
reinstitute it and it is extremely difficult to do it in an honest way.
What is often missing, when I see people trying to put together a new
form of initiation, is the real tradition. They’ll come up with a form,
but it won’t have enough root, it won’t have enough anchoring into the
ground, and then it won’t have enough resonance or strength to hold
what’s happening to the kids. Michael Meade
In the early 2000s, I started having conversations with people doing Rites of Passage
(ROP) work with teens. Spread out in different corners of the world and
usually focused on one particular formula for ROP, they were some of
the most inspiring conversations I’ve ever had. But after chatting for a while,
almost every conversation would usually take one common turn. “You need
to talk to so-and-so,” I would say. These brilliant thinkers were completely
unaware of ROP practitioners doing work very similar to theirs, sometimes
in the same city! They were even less aware of others doing ROP work that
was structurally the same, but using different methods. They were buried in
their own silos, thinking they were some of the few to hit upon the pressing
social need for this work. Invariably I would tell them, “You really should
put together a gathering for your colleagues to come together and exchange
best practices.” It took a good ten more years for me to realize no one else
was going to do it, so I did.
In April of 2012 in Oakland, California, I hosted about 30 founders of
different ROP practices from around the world. I called it “The Teens Rites
of Passage Summit.” Many of those same people I had conversations with
over the years attended, including some of the people quoted in this book.
My hope was to found a “clearinghouse” organization to coordinate efforts
and disseminate information from all the different ROP organizations
worldwide. In 2013 that organization was born.
In the two years’ run-up to the founding, I got an earful from many of
the luminaries in the field expounding on what constitutes “pure” ROP,
and, though they never used the word, what was sacrilege. Some of these
concerns I have already shared in previous chapters, like whether it’s even
possible to initiate people in settings other than the wild outdoors. There
remain plenty of disagreements and dividing lines in the theory and practice
of ROP. What follows are the principal ones and my responses to them. I
share them in the hope that they will bring the ROP story somewhat up to
date and point, however uncertainly, to the future.
If you don’t have functional communities to initiate young people into,
can ROP programs really serve them? Or are they doing them a disservice?
Should ROP based in unique cultures (or religions) be abandoned given the
fluidities required by our present-day multi-cultural world? Are indoor and
urban ROP truly effective if they don’t connect Initiates with the natural
world at a time when our planetary systems are so fragile and in need
of attention? Given the different ages that unique individuals mature,
does it even make sense anymore to limit ROP by age restrictions? Are
gender specific ROP outdated, even destructive, if we’re aiming to initiate
young people into an increasingly genderfluid world? Since most ROP
today function with heteronormative biases, how do we best accommodate
LGBTQ people?
In the course of conversations with some ROP experts, these questions
have been presented to me as great divides. Personally, I don’t see them
as oppositional or even dichotomous. They may form the substance of
theoretical conflicts, but they need not represent irresolvable institutional
and everyday practice divides. I’ve always taken an all-inclusive “both/and”
approach, meaning that all of these – let’s call them ideological differences –
evaporate immediately once you accept them all. The position I take? In the
right circumstances and under the right conditions, all of these different
approaches can produce positive outcomes. Yes, you can initiate boys and
girls separately and together; yes, you can offer culturally and religiously
specific ROP and also offer ones that are pan-cultural, welcoming all beliefs
and non-beliefs; yes, you can initiate with heteronormative ideology as long
as the non-compliant are still welcome at ROP elsewhere; age restrictive
ROP are still effective as long as exceptions can be made within them and
by other ROP that cater to broad age ranges.
But those are my solutions and some say, “Hold on! Not so fast!” Some
will say that if any cultural practice exists that doesn’t make room for
transgendered or queer people then that practice hurts everyone and
perpetuates a societal shadow. I really understand and appreciate that
point of view. Again, I’m all about inclusivity, but not to the point
where it necessarily trumps another individual’s cultural and religious
practices. Consider a heteronormative ROP practitioner, let’s say a Christian
fundamentalist, who argues that to practice LGBTQ inclusion is to violate
a fundament of his or her culture or religion. Though I don’t personally
subscribe to that viewpoint, I believe it deserves to be respected. (To be clear,
I’m not talking about United States federal or state laws here. Fortunately,
there are an increasing number of them that prohibit discrimination based
on sexual orientation or gender status. I’m talking about cultural and
religious practices of ROP, which the federal government has recently
demonstrated it does not have a vested interest in.)
Many indigenous ROP practices are maintained on a basis of exclusivity
for people of their own culture or ethnicity. To initiate outsiders is to
risk betrayal of ancient ways, to risk cultural appropriation. I respect that
too. Outsiders should be invited if they’re to be included at all. If they’re
not invited then they have no right to participate, much less appropriate
practices that they witness. Most progressive folks practicing ROP would
say this is a no-brainer. But to return to the example above, why should
an indigenous group’s practice of exclusion be any more acceptable than a
non-indigenous group’s? What if that indigenous group says no to queer
youth? And what about the many contemporary initiatory practices that
already exist that include elements of historical indigenous practices? What
do we do about those? Shut them down? ROP practitioners usually say they
were blessed by Native Elders to share these practices. But different Native
Elders might dispute that and say they were stolen and appropriated. Who’s
to decide? Do we leave it to the court of public opinion or do we make these
decisions based on our deepest wisdom?
I would argue that cultures are living things and, as such, will always grow
and change. And they will grow and change all the faster in our increasingly
interconnected and increasingly multicultural world. When it comes to
status quo ROP practices that are already somewhat exclusionary, or to
hybrids drawing partly from indigenous traditions, I say leave them be. As
long as ROP leaders lovingly and diligently recognize their lineage(s) and
teachers, as long as they are doing good work in a good way, serving the
greater good and not just serving themselves, then leave them be. Jazz and
hip-hop (and so much more art) began exclusively in African-American
culture. Are we to create social norms that say non-African-Americans have
no right to these art forms? That others cannot and should not learn from
these cultural expressions, share and delight in them, and yes, “appropriate”
them and make them their own? Cultural sovereignty has to be respected
until times change and a threshold arrives making it clear that it no longer
makes sense to hold something back from the wider public. Doing so will
not serve the greater good. If a cultural practice gets widely adapted and
starts becoming popular then it is clearly filling a deep human need beyond
its smaller group of originally intended practitioners. Again I say, let it serve
the greater good. ROP have to go through their own Rites of Passage; they
have to grow and evolve.
To take initiation as Rites of Passage or rituals for awakening, then
there are two main parts to it. One is that there be some traditional
form, or some form, or formality that is known. And the other is that it
be radically open to change. Michael Meade
The point of all this “both/and” thinking, this inclusionary priority made
paramount, is that if we don’t embrace all the different expressions of ROP
practice, we risk becoming our own worst enemies. We risk saying “You are
welcome… But not you.” We risk excluding some people and some groups
from our community. Personally, I don’t think absolutist approaches are
constructive or effective. When utilized, we risk creating “the other.” We do
this through ideological means no less stringent than Christian or Muslim
fundamentalism. “I work with communities. I’ll join your organization but
only if programs are excluded from it.” “I won’t be part of any organization
that doesn’t automatically exclude men or organizations that promote
SSA.” [Men who say they have “Same Sex Attraction” but are trying not to be gay.]
“Boys need initiation more than girls; we must focus on them.”
“Mixed gender initiation can’t work.” “You have a great ROP program but
until you offer serious mentorship as part of aftercare for Initiates I won’t
take part.” “If individual X who espouses Y is part of your gathering then I’m
not participating.” I’ve heard all these objections before from ROP leaders.
Literally every single one. And every time I hear something like that, I see a
wall go up and I see an “us vs. them” mentality take shape. Ideas harden into
absolutist positions. “I’m right; they’re wrong.”
There’s an old maxim for marriage that says, “You can be right or you can
be happy.” I see the choices here similarly. When it comes to some issues, we
can be ideologically “right,” trying to cross every T and dot every I. We can
be politically correct, but both intentions and impacts have to be measured.
Yes, it’s important to try and make every effort to get things “right.” But it’s
also important to measure impact: are we aiming to be maximally “pure”
or are we aiming to be maximally inclusive and maximally effective? What
exactly are we aiming for? Personally, I’m invested in maximal inclusion
and maximal effectiveness.
I believe multiculturalism can be an ideology no less absolutist (and
therefore exclusionary) than communism, Christian or Muslim orthodoxy
or consumerist market capitalism. Ironic, I know, because on the face of
it, multiculturalism places inclusion as its deepest value. But I’ve seen it
have impacts in diverse circumstances where it drives people away. It makes
them wrong. “You said such and such, therefore you clearly don’t respect the
rights and claims of so and so.” “By not doing X…” or “by saying Y… you have
demonstrated that you are Z…” [Fill in the blank: racist, sexist, homophobic,
ageist, ableist, classist…] If we are to really grow the community of ROP
advocates into a worldwide body of significance, we need to be able to accept
every individual or group at their unique station of growth. Spiral dynamics
has taught us that and expects nothing less of us: “Transcend and include.”
What I’m arguing for here is an existential response to each ROP practice
and policy with the highest priority placed on effectiveness. If a given
ROP is effective and creates deep transformation for participants then I say,
“Welcome!” I believe it is a waste of time to codify policies across different
cultural ROP practices. It as a Sisyphean task that can and will consume huge
resources and never achieve its aim of 100% “buy-in” from every potential
ROP practitioner or group. No matter how good the languaging and no
matter how inclusive the intentions, it’s impossible not to offend some
person’s sense of identity at some time, however unintentionally. No matter
what you say and do, at some point, somebody is going to get wounded.
What do you do then? Refer them back to the written policies and codes?
So, they can be taught exactly how they are “wrong?” No one responds
positively to that. You have to be with them face to face and try to solve
the conflict through deep listening and heart to heart contact. You have to
practice listening modalities like Non-Violent Communication. Trying to
codify ROP practices and policies is not only a waste of time, it runs counter
to the spirit and practice of ROP themselves. They cannot and should not be
codified. What’s even worse is that efforts to do so might actually inhibit creating
real social change.
There’s a book called Theory of Change that aims to identify what social
change-makers’ core (and usually hidden) assumptions are. Carol Weiss
popularized the term “Theory of Change” as a way to describe the set of
assumptions that explain both the mini-steps that lead to the long-term goal
and the connections between program activities and outcomes that occur
at each step of the way. What makes for maximal effectiveness for whoever
seeks it? Some people are naturally more process oriented. Others, like
myself, are (slightly) more outcome oriented. Clearly both are important.
What I hope to draw to people’s attention is the need to understand what our
primary assumptions are that drive our theories of change and to confirm
whether those assumptions are in fact leading to the changes we want. I
want to initiate and mentor every teen on the planet. How do we get there?
That’s what interests me. That means embracing all the different variants of
ROP practice whether they fit our standards of social justice or not.
Tactically, it’s smart to focus on youth ROP these days. For organizations
that promote youth well-being, there are lots of support monies and
resources available right now from status quo powers. No matter how
politically conservative governmental, corporate or institutional bodies may
be, they will usually support youth well-being and maturation.
One issue that is not a ROP fault line anymore seems to be the one
reconciling the largely right-brain world of ROP field activities with the
largely left-brain world of organizational administration. We are finally
bringing rational, statistically based data and science together with the
mysteries and miracles of ROP. For too long these worlds stood apart. ROP
practitioners now increasingly use whole brain systems, linking left and
right hemispheric thinking, taking the right brain world of ROP work –
the intuitive, spiritual and sacred forces that “magically” coalesce to create
human transformation – and translate them into the left-brain world of
scientific explanations, statistical data and rational logic. Most people in
the ROP world understand that generating rational explanations and data
is fundamental when substantiating the value of their work, not to mention
essential when securing funding! If we can’t prove that initiating young
people raises their grades, keeps them off medications, reduces delinquency
and self-harming behaviors like reckless drinking, drugging and driving,
what use is it?
We have to keep asking ourselves: “What are the qualities that our
people need in order to live in the world today?” That’s what small
communities did way back. It used to be that what was needed for the
survival and the health of those small communities were warriors who
would protect the village from the animals and from other tribes. The
needs to instill the qualities of “warriorship” were very real. And so often
initiations were when they were dropped into nature alone. Sometimes
it was “go out and kill a lion.” When you’ve killed that lion then you can
come back and we’ll celebrate your initiation. So, they were bringing
experiences to those people that developed the qualities needed for that
community. So again, it was: what to do we need to instill? Meredith
Little
I’ve long marveled at so-called futurists. People who can extrapolate from
present trends into the future and bear witness, however speculative, to
what might come. I never considered myself one of them. Many native
peoples had social roles for folks like these and called them oracles. I am
not an oracle. But recently I have found myself receiving insights, however
small, into what might come. Most of that thinking is not remotely mystical,
but a plain byproduct of research. I’m told it’s a patriarchal assumption to
prognosticate in an authoritative way since it can be received as overbearing,
like, “God has spoken!” So, I offer these subsequent reflections humbly,
merely as thoughts that have occurred to me. I offer them intuitively, in the
collaborative spirit of sharing, not as declarations from the mountaintop.
I expect the ROP practices of the near future will continue to grow in size
and impact and become more “multi:” multi-cultural, multi-gendered, multi-
national, multi-religious. ISIS, Al-Qaeda, Boko Haram and the Taliban are
some of the greatest arguments for ROP on the planet right now. What are
all those men (and yes, a few women) from around the world being drawn
to if not the opportunity to live a life of mission and purpose (contrary
to what capitalism teaches), to be of service to something greater than
themselves (contrary to what consumerism teaches), to function as a team,
as a community working together for a “noble” purpose (contrary to what
individualism offers), to be empowered and have impact (contrary to what
Western countries offer them due to racial and ethnic discrimination)? In
short, they offer initiation. Who else is offering that to Muslim youth in the
East or the West?
I spoke with an Imam in Detroit in 2001 about what teen initiation looks
like for contemporary Muslims. I was shocked to hear him say there is no
such thing. He did speak to the strong community values, service missions
and mentoring practices that mosques offer. But clearly that’s not enough
for many Muslim youth. It appears they need something more powerful,
more transformative.
ISIS and other forms of Muslim extremism are only one manifestation
of the global dysfunction of communities that lack healthy teen initiation.
Certainly there are similar manifestations in fundamentalist branches of
Christianity and Judaism too. I’ve already spoken about how reform Bar
Mitzvah practice can easily be subverted by consumer culture. Too many
fundamentalist Jewish and Christian sects can easily initiate young people
into an “us vs. them” worldview – where outsiders are marked as “other,”
the enemy – no less pernicious than indoctrination by street gangs.
When most youth do not reach true maturity, the whole culture begins
to decay and degrade. And many observers, like myself, have been
noting that for quite a number of years; it certainly seems that Western
culture at least, maybe some other cultures too, are in the terminal
phases of unraveling, of collapse. And of course, there are many of
us that are rooting for that collapse to complete itself as soon possible.
And simultaneously, we’re supporting and doing our best to be among
those who are creating the infrastructure for a healthy culture. And the
contemporary Rites of Passage movement is certainly one of the most
exciting dimensions of what we’re seeing. Bill Plotkin
The picture for the future is not rosy. No later than the end of this century,
I foresee the beginning of neo-feudal dark ages dominated by autocrats
and dictators. Every day the list grows longer of countries turning to,
or perpetuating, autocratic or even totalitarian rule: Turkey, China, Iran,
Hungary, Russia, Syria, Egypt, Venezuela, North Korea, Brazil, Yemen, Cuba,
Saudi Arabia, Kuwait, Burundi, Libya, Chad, Congo, India, Indonesia and
Poland… The list goes on and might soon include the U.S as the January 6,
2021 assault on the Capitol attests. Similar non-governmental power blocs
like U.S. Militias, Mexico’s drug cartels, gangs in El Salvador, paramilitaries
in Colombia, and many more, will assert more and more influence and
control. Like ISIS and Al-qaeda, these heavily armed gangs might soon rule
large swaths of the planet.
Due to environmental and economic catastrophes – the scale of which
is difficult to imagine – mass migrations and wars for scarce resources
like water, food, arable land and carbon could kill up to 80% of the world’s
population by the end of the century. That’s the bad news. But the remaining
20% will increasingly turn towards ROP practices. That’s the good news.
Those practices may, for a time, be less multicultural than those in our
lifetimes but they will deepen their individual cultural footprints. Indigenous
people, who hopefully will be able to safeguard the continuity of their
practices, will certainly strengthen them. Survival of the village may well
depend on it. Like Meredith Little mentioned, a “warrior class” may again be
necessary to defend and protect semi-autonomous communities, whether
from neighboring villages, warlords, drug lords, feudal lords, corporate
armies or from oppressive government armies and police. Unlike our
historical epoch, those warriors may not be gender determined, but they
will require initiation. (Not to mention post-war rituals of Reintegration.)
My guess is that many communities will re-establish two stages of
adolescent initiation – a universal one for all those entering puberty (11-13)
and ones, perhaps elective or “chosen,” at the end of adolescence (16-21) for
warriors and all the other key role players in community life.
The ROP social inventions that exist and are still spreading today –
processes, workshops, and organizations like MKP, Boys to Men, Rite of
Passage Journeys, School of Lost Borders and so many more – will have likely
disappeared. They will be forgotten. Instead, what I expect you will find are
communities which have adopted the practices from those and other ROP
organizations and woven them into the fabric of everyday community life.
Eventually, as information resources become limited and unreliable, they’ll
explain it by saying, “This is how we’ve always done it.” I see that as a good
thing.
When you have Elders, they are going to tell you how to actually behave.
Right? They’re not just nice, wise people sitting there going, “Oh you’re
wonderful.” They’re actually going to chew you out and tell you what
you need to be doing and bursting your little bubbles. And so, I think
sometimes when younger people actually have functional Elders in the
community, they’re not too happy with it. Starhawk
I turned 65 in October, 2020. In the last few years, the social role of Eldership
has increasingly been thrust upon me. I never wanted it or asked for a seat
at this particular table but there it is – life demands from us what it seems to
want. So, I’ve been thrust into positions of honor and basically asked to be
wise. I do my best to speak my truth and quickly sit down.
Eldership is often spoken about in various networks but how often is
it practiced? Are Elders really sought out? Is there real respect for Elders
who may have different points of view than youngers? It takes real humility
to hear something you don’t want to hear or hear something that triggers
you, especially if you hear it from someone who you think is full of shit.
That’s the real test of hearing Elders, of hearing anyone. Not when they
bless you and acknowledge you and hold your hand in support. Don’t get
me wrong. Those things are absolutely necessary and are huge aspects of
an Elder’s role. But naming hard truths can often be just as valuable. Do
you have the real humility to listen and not immediately defend, argue or
dismiss? The cultural ethos of today is that it’s impolite or somehow wrong
– or worse, a micro-aggression – to call someone on their shit. I find this
deeply problematic. One of the great revelations of my life came from doing
“men’s work” which taught me that this is one of the powerful ways men
in fact love each other. Some men care enough to honestly tell each other
what they think, even if it’s not always pretty. If someone really wants you
to grow into your greatest self, they’ll do that. If they don’t care and don’t
really love you, they’ll stay silent, or worse, they’ll disconnect and leave you
to sow your own chaos and confusion. Certainly, different genders, cultures
and age groups have different styles of communication. But the purpose of
learning cross-cultural ways is partly so we can learn to hear difficult things
from each other without reacting defensively. When the Elders give up and
walk away because nobody’s listening, that should send a huge red flag to
any person or organization that’s paying attention. Sadly, I’ve seen a lot of
Elders walk away from the organization I co-founded. I am one.
I was well into my 40s before I became truly capable of listening to hard
truths that I didn’t want to hear. It’s not easy. It takes real skill and practice.
Sitting in discomfort is a skill I learned only by allowing myself to be
hammered again and again by wise mentors. I needed it! I can be a stubborn
SOB with a thick head! Hours and hours of meditation practice and dharma
study helped too…
ROP work is not about singing Kumbaya and dancing the Hora together –
or not only about that, about celebration. Though I believe violence is not
inevitable, I do believe that conflict is inevitable. As long as humans are
around, conflict will not go away. Conflict creates change. Dialectics are the
motor force of change. Thesis, when met with antithesis, becomes synthesis.
This synthesis eventually becomes a new thesis, which is inevitably met with
a new antithesis, and we reach the point of a new synthesis, and so the cycle
endlessly repeats. The question is: how are we going to deal with conflict
when it arises? Are we going to shut it down? Are we going to disconnect
and drop out? Or are we going to learn to accept it – to sit in the heat that’s
generated – and listen carefully to what the situation may be trying to tell
us? “Welcome Fear! You bring excitement and challenge!” “Welcome Anger!
You bring fierce clarity and deep passion!” These are the lessons Zen has
taught me. Can we hear messages like anger and fear in ourselves and still
stay in good relations with each other? I know we can. It’s been proven to
me again and again through situations like the one I mentioned in Chapter
Seven with MKP. It’s important to learn how not to shrink from it. What
we can do is change our relationship to it. One of the purposes of ROP is to
create fierce warriors for justice, not wimps. Mahatma Gandhi, Dr. Martin
Luther King Jr. and Nelson Mandela, just to name three, were lots of things,
but they were not wimps who shrank in the face of conflict.
Life initiates us every day. We’re always being initiated. And for us to
recognize that this is a part of living and dying, that we must do this,
and that this is natural to our nature. And to honor those and to know
that when we are initiated, sometimes, you know in many big ways,
that that means we are dying to something. And to honor that death.
And to turn toward how to incorporate and integrate this new knowing
that we have because of something that has initiated us. That’s a part
of the fabric of what I hope we bring back into our culture. Meredith
Little
We’re creating the new paradigm right now so that we can capture the
imagination of the right individuals and be able to present, “This is
the new way we’re going.” But it requires a strategic investment in
people. We still live in a culture that wants to give money to things and
brick and mortar projects and all that kind of stuff, and not invest in
the human capacity, in our ability to change and transform. Aqeela
Sherrills
ROP happen over and over again in the course of a normal 80-100 year life
span. It’s not one and done. We need to learn to recognize the signs. It’s
easy when we do a structured ROP process. We need to become equally
adept at recognizing Rites of Passage when life forces them upon us. “Oh
my god, the doctor says my wife is dying. This must be Separation. I must
be entering Descent.” “I’m broke. I’ve lost my job. Now I’m living in my car.
I have no clue where to turn or what to do next. This must be my Ordeal.”
“My partner has put together a surprise party for my 60th birthday. Our
whole community is here. This must be my Homecoming.” The more we
familiarize ourselves with the archetypal components of ROP, the more we
will drive these lessons into our bones. We will also learn to fear life less.
“This ROP, however painful, has something to teach me. Last time, I learned
an important lesson about living. What is it I need to learn now?”
Picture a planet where there are only healthy, prosocial and productive
ROP and every young person is initiated. Where we no longer have
dysfunctional or incomplete initiations into gangs, into military service,
via suicide or murder, via unsupervised, excessive drinking and drugging,
via sexual violence or bullying, via school dropouts and homelessness,
via cutting, depression or hate crimes, via anorexia or bulimia. Imagine
a planet where we no longer have uninitiated, suspended adolescents
running our institutions, corporations and countries, consumed by their
own unconscious fears and appetites, becoming addicts to money or power
because their own lives feel so meaningless and unfulfilled.
Imagine a world where the ceremonies that we regularly practice are
ritualized to deepen their impact and meaning. Imagine at every birthday
party that each celebrant is tasked with naming the things that most
challenged them in the last year and to state what lessons they learned.
Imagine that every Memorial Day we not only put flowers and flags on
graves but we invite our extended families to speak publicly to the grief of
their losses. Imagine if every Valentine’s Day we share with our beloved all
that we most treasure in them and speak those truths to their face. ROP might
well be the grand unifying field theory of human development.
Imagine a world in which all people have a deep sense of purpose for
their life and are connected to their deepest passions. Imagine how much
happier people would be knowing their own physical, mental, spiritual and
emotional limits so they don’t have to seek them out through unconscious
trials. Imagine how much happier people will be not fearing serious trial and
discomfort, knowing there is meaning to be harvested in their pain, so they
don’t seek to drown their unhappiness in forms of addiction. Imagine that all
citizens know the rights and responsibilities of adulthood and feel welcome
and accepted by other adults in their communities as coequals. Imagine that
all parents know when it is time to let their teens go forth on their own as
co-equal adults and are culturally and institutionally supported in doing
so. Imagine that all people are supported through all the challenging phases
of their life: puberty, menstruation, first time having sex, partnering and
getting married, having children, facing loss of loved ones, illness, divorce,
job loss, retirement and death. Imagine how everyone can become skilled in
recognizing and performing rituals at any given moment for any particular
purpose, not just parties and wakes. “Oh, my girlfriend just left me. I
need to do a grief ritual.” “My cherished bike was stolen. I need a ritual to
acknowledge and release the shock and the anger.” “I just got my first job
on my new career path. I’m going to mark the occasion with a ritual.” “My
husband was robbed and beaten. I’m going to do a cleansing ritual to allow
him space for release and remind him I love him.” This is that world. We
are those people. This is that time.
Sound like utopia? It does to me. But don’t worry, there would still
be plenty of human suffering to go around. There would still be conflict,
sickness, old age and death, broken hearts and broken bones.
I do not root my moral choices either in fear of eternal punishment
or in hope of eternal reward. Instead, I recognize the divinity of the
world and every being in it and respond to everyone and everything as
though they were God — because they are. So, make your choice. Eat
the forbidden fruit. Don’t fear God. You are God. Reza Aslan
Sarai Shapiro, one of my ROP colleagues and the founder of Gaia Girls
Passages, introduced me to the idea that the story of Adam and Eve can be
viewed as an initiation story. Before rolling out that thought experiment, I
first want to acknowledge how offensive it may be for some, particularly
so for Christians, and ask for forbearance. I recognize that the traditional
reading of The Fall is purely negative, where Adam and Eve are seduced
by Satan and introduced to evil. Based on what Sarai shared with me, I’m
inclined to speculate that it may be a more mixed, perhaps even positive
tale.
All of us are similar to Adam and Eve. (Of course, scriptures insist we are
all their progeny!) Perhaps the fall from grace is merely the end of innocence.
Perhaps we will never grow up unless and until we leave our father’s home.
We will stay eternally young and innocent. We will think it’s all about us. We
will not begin our journey into deep morality. We will not begin to know
good from evil and develop the capacity to choose wisely.
Perhaps the story is also about the benign indifference of knowledge, that
our trust in it has to be measured. If knowledge tells us we’re sinful, that we
must feel shame at our nakedness – maybe not just of body but of mind, of
our authentic self – then maybe it’s the knowledge of sin itself that is suspect.
Maybe we have both good and evil in us. Maybe sin isn’t the absolute, 100%
unconditional evil we’re told. Maybe we can learn from sin as much as we
can learn from good. One thing that all ROP Initiates have to learn is to
trust themselves, no matter how precarious the circumstances and no matter
the cost. Book learning is important, but experiential learning – all the good
and bad experiences of a lifetime – is arguably more so.
Maybe to leave the garden is a necessity, essential for the founding and
sustainability of community. Otherwise, we will not know standards beyond
our own desires. We will not know how to live in good relations with others.
Until individuals are forced to leave paradise and enter “the marketplace,”
they will not take on the challenges of negotiating differences. They will not
learn how to seek consensus, which is one of the hallmarks of maturity and
a pillar of community wellbeing. Who knows? What’s really in that apple
may just be the knowledge of Rites of Passage.